I have thyroid disease.
I am hypothyroid; I have a glandular disorder resulting from insufficient production of thyroid hormones (sexy-sounding scientific definition courtesy of the Google machine). There are several causes for one becoming hypothyroid. I happen to have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, which means that my body doesn’t just not produce enough thyroid hormone, it actively attacks the thyroid as if it were infected.
I’m not entirely sure if this is at all related, but I do have an awesome immune system. I had a few years in my adolescence when I came down with strep throat an average of four times a year, and I had pneumonia twice before I was three, but for the most part I’ve been lucky enough to be one of the healthiest people I know. Down side: my kick-ass immune system doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone and goes a little overboard sometimes.
I was diagnosed in my late teens.It made sense when all was finally explained to me, but since a lot of the symptoms are kind of generic until you notice them working in conjunction with each other, it was overlooked (and commonly is) for a long time. It was actually my gynecologist who first asked if I’d ever been tested for hypothyroidism, and when she explained what she meant by that my first reaction was, “You can see that from down there!?” (Again, I was young. I think this was during my first trip to an OB-GYN. It was all very mystifying.) There was a fascinating series of events that followed, including lots of blood tests, a CAT scan, inter-vaginal ultrasounds (to rule out severe PCO), and the use of the word “fluffy” to describe my pituitary gland.
If you’ve never had someone use the same adjective to describe a domesticated animal as a part of your brain, try to imagine having just finished your first gynecological exam when it happens. I don’t know if “mortified” covers it.
It’s been an interesting ride. And not altogether a smooth one.
Some years after I was diagnosed and medicated for my thyroid issues, I finally manned up and started to see a therapist to try to tackle some of my depression and anxiety issues. I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication a little over a year ago to help combat my unreasonable social anxiety and the depression that is often accompanied by it.
When my thyroid levels are in check, and I’m taking my anxiety pills regularly, I actually feel pretty okay. Due to financial reasons, I stopped seeing my therapist at the beginning of this year. Due to the same financial reasons, I’ve also been unable to fill my prescriptions for nearly two months now. There are some symptoms I didn’t notice I had until I couldn’t afford to take my meds, sensitivity to cold being chief among them. (I’m writing this wearing my Swype gloves, which, for the record, work amazingly on the MacBook Pro trackpad.)
But since I’ve run out of my anti-anxiety pills at the same time as my thyroid pills, it’s been especially fascinating trying to manage two diseases that feed off one another with nothing more than (waning) will power and a lot of internet research. It hasn’t been an easy road, but knowing how I feel when I’m medicated has at the very least helped me to not beat myself up too much when Chemically-Imbalanced Kim (new superhero name?) stumbles. I have had to be ultra-aware of how I feel and what my catalysts are, but knowing that A) this isn’t all my fault, and B) I won’t feel like this forever, has helped.
Hypothyroidism is a commonly misunderstood disease. The number one symptom is depression, closely followed by intense lethargy, general apathy, excessive (and quick) weight gain — especially around the midsection — hair loss, dry skin, sensitivity to heat and cold… It’s a long list. I highly recommend anyone who may be suffering with any of these symptoms to ask your doctor to have your blood checked; it’s a simple test. Do as much of your own research as possible. Educate yourself. Be your own advocate. And even though I know how difficult it can be to find the motivation to get out of bed some days, try to get out and exercise more. It will help with some of the mental symptoms while you and your doctor are figuring things out, and it will help with some of the physical symptoms once you’re medicated and your levels start to balance.
It’s a long, weird, exhausting road, but you’re not on it alone.
hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia 