Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?

I’m probably the worst excuse for a blogger, like, ever.  Which is okay, really.  I hate the word “blog.”

I guess I’d probably pay more attention to this if  I was paying for the server space… HA.  Who am I kidding?  I write when I’m bored and have nothing to say, and that has not been the theme for the last couple of months.  It seems that when my life actually gets stressful, I stop trying to sort out my thoughts.  I’ve dropped my paper journal lately, too.  This doesn’t make any sense to me either.

So, a small list of facts loosely based upon my life over the last few months.

I moved back to Boston about five weeks ago.  I flew out on Friday the 13th of February.  I transferred my position with Starbucks yet again, and have been looking for alternate employment.  I just can’t shake the feeling that I have to jump off of this sinking ship as soon as I can.  I guess I just don’t have it in me to be a coffee merchant for the rest of my life.

My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks after I moved in with her, and she’s been graciously letting me stay on her couch while I try to figure something out.  Finding housing would not be such a challenge if I wasn’t still paying rent in Minneapolis, but my move back to the East Coast was a bit spur-of-the-moment; but then again, when do I ever move half-way across the country with a plan?  That’s just not my style.

I wanted an adventure, and that’s just what I’ve got.  Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until last night, so I’ve had a bit of a hard time enjoying it.  I’ve been negative, mopey, complaining, stressed out… you name it.  If it’s an undesireable personality trait, I’ve possessed it over the last month and a half.

My photography has been suffering, to say the least.  I haven’t really been out with my cameras, and the stuff I am shooting is sloppy and cliche.

I’m really having a hard time being proud of myself, and that doesn’t just go for my artistic efforts, either.  I’ve been feeling overwhelmingly average in every aspect of my life.  I just don’t know what I’ve got to make myself stand out from the crowd.  I look in the mirror and all I see is someone whose hair is a mess; who could definitely benefit from a gym membership and a trip to the mall.

I’ve been sleeping like shit again lately, and I can feel the effect that’s been having on my mood.   I’ve got some things to work on.  And I’m working on a plan to make them happen.

But then again, maybe “plans” have been my problem all along.