a few things you probably didn’t know about me, and probably didn’t want to know

sometimes, i pee in the shower. and sometimes, it smells like corn pops.

i will occasionally pick up an issue of women’s day or other housewife-promotion-propaganda, just to collect the recipes.

i get some kind of intensely sick joy out of giving attractive people (read: hot women with tig ol’ bitties) 1’s on hotornot.

it’s really uncomfortable for me to eat in front of other people. so uncomfortable, in fact, that when im home, i will eat dinner in my room and not in the family room with my parents.

i like filling giant evian bottles with tap water and carrying them around in public. it makes me wonder if the strangers i meet think more highly of me because i can afford giant bottles of evian.

i’ve been interrogated by the fbi.

i don’t know how to dial phone numbers with extensions.

i’ve had my palm read for free by a transvestite on the streets of nyc.

i believe in karma.

i don’t believe in love.

i have licked a dead rat. not just dead; petrified, hard, flat, and dusty.

i honestly just don’t think i have what it takes. in general.

i have fairly severe road-rage, which has transformed itself into significantly sever pedestrian-rage.

i own an acoustic guitar that i still cannot play.

there is a dent in my forehead from my sister.

when i was a tiny tot, i used to dream of becoming a world-famous line dancer.

i’ve never been west of chicago.

i don’t believe in regret.

growing up, i often wondered if my boobs were so small because i never wore a training bra.

i also don’t believe in germs.

there are times when i feel like i’m floating outside of myself, and that the world i am witnessing is really a movie.

there are also times when i picture in my head what certain situations would look like if they were written down, such as in a novel.

on the rare occasions that i get to share my bed with another person, i have a really hard time sleeping face-to-face because i am irrationally self-conscious about my morning breath.

in kindergarten, i failed skipping and shoe-tying. actually, i couldn’t tie my shoes until second grade.

i’m nearly twenty years old, and i’ve only had one (ridiculously lame) relationship.

no one has ever made me a mix-tape.

i’m not so sure that i have a center of balance. it’s more like a tilt-a-whirl. i have the bruises to prove it.

i think i’d rather be written about than drawn because i feel that my personality would look a million times better on paper than my face ever could.

i’m pretty sure i have some kind of crazy disease that causes me to get the hiccups more than most. i get the hiccups, on average, two or three times a day.

if i am sharing a sleeping space with another human, i fully expect to be held. tightly.

it’s just another day with you and me in paradise

i have completed my duties at both jobs, having just returned from the last paid visit to the muskegon nhccs.

it was enjoyable, as enjoyable as store meetings can be. i felt at times like i didn’t belong there, because who am i to know of or give input on a store i’ll no longer be working for? at the same time, some of the topics covered were corporate announcements, so in all it is best to have known.

tonight was also the good-bye for myself and long-time buddy shark. it was a sweet good-bye, that brought an unmentionable glisten to manager mcsexypants’ eyes.

in all, being done with this summer is surreal. it’s strange that i’ll wake up tomorrow and have “nothing” to do. in truth, i have many errands to run (including bitching at/about the incompetent slut that i dealt with at the bank on friday, and being–yet again–called a fat-ass in so many words by my doctor), but this is the first day all summer where i have naught to work either job.

it’s strange to think how quickly this summer passed, and how through it all it still felt like it took a millenia. or two. it’s strange to think of the range of emotion that i covered in four months working with the same people. it’s strange for me to think that i might actually have made friends with my coworkers; an occurrence i swore to fight at the onset of the season.

above all, it is strange for me to think that i have but four days left in muskegon before it is no longer my home. after this, i move out for good. i may return for the occasional holiday or family function, but home is where the heart is, and i was born a wanderer.

as much as i hate to reference bon jovi songs, i’m just a small town girl born a rolling stone. i’m not necessarily a small-town-soul; i have big dreams and big ideas and i need a big city in which to harvest them. however, there is something to be said for the solitude of laying on a pier looking at lake michigan upside-down and marvelling at the feeling of having the sky move. there’s something to be said for fresh air and free parking, deer and bunnies, open highways and road cones.

i’ve not yet decided whether i plan to miss this town or not. in general, i’m usually pretty happy to leave, as i often feel both liberated and suffocated by muskegon. i’ll miss the location, most of all. i miss the beaches and the woods and the fields and the sky and the sun.

the one thing i tend not to miss are the people. the small-minded, uptight, have-no-fun-with-your-life, what’s-the-point-in-living-if-you’re-not-being-serious… people. sure, boston has some really snotty, rude, rich motherfuckers, but at least they’re snotty, rude, rich, and liberal. i’m glad to be leaving before anymore people openly judge me based on right-winged, religious, one-sided, closed-minded, never-gonna-listen ideas.

i need to stop. i’m starting to get too adjective-y. and, oh yeah, i have to clean.

ha.

i hate packing.

for the love of god, no more green stuff!

i heard the news today, oh boy…

so… remember what was said about too many good things happening to me this week?

i’m off to burst.

such a wonderful night. i remember suddenly why i miss you so much.

and now, at 4.45a… i sleep.

(if i opened, i’d be waking up right now.)

a shooting star is a little piece of cosmic debris desperately wanting to fall to earth

if any more good happens to me today, i think i might burst.

manager b (or manager mcsexypants, whichever you prefer) has joined me in the battle for convincing manager l (or sweet lou) that i should be a shift supervisor. i called the boston store today to see when sweet lou would be around for making the transfer back, and was verbally introduced to the new shift at my store. there’s been some moving around and lots of gossip and i was talking to manager mcsexypants about it after i got off the phone. he looked at me and said, “diesel, why aren’t you a shift yet?”

“fucked if i know. you tell me.”

“you should be.”

so, yeah. he’s willing to fight for me. which is a nice pay raise, and one i could definitely use. it was also a plesant stroking of my ego, and an assurance that maybe everyone here doesn’t really hate me so much.

i also sold my car today! they’re not paying/picking it up until thursday, but the fact that it’s sold and done with is just one less thing i have to worry about for this move. also, the fact that the cash from that car will bump me up to sitting on four months’ rent is a really nice, comfortable feeling. like, maybe… just maybe i’ll be able to afford food and the occasional t-ride.

i kind of want to go on a cameradventure, but i’m much too exhausted to leave my house. i think instead i shall just slip into some ridiculous pj pants and underwoff my way through some tidying. ooohh… and rolling coins. yeah. i like rolling coins.

well, not really. i just like money.

moneymoneymoneymoney.

i’m sorry. i don’t speak sandwich.

i’ve noticed that i tend to get really pissed off with people who pretend to be happy with their life better than i do. don’t get me started on the ones who truly are.

i’ve come to the conclusion that there probably isn’t a single person in the world who’s heard “tiny dancer” and thought to themselves, my god that song sucks. they might not like it, but i don’t think anyone hates it. it’s impossible.

i bought a new camera this week. a kodak z650. it’s twice the megapixel my previous camera was, and it has the bodystyle i’ve been pining for. see?

and check out the work i’ve managed from it already. i haven’t had the chance to go on a full-fledged cameradventure, but just screwing around with it the first day gave me these bad boys…

now, granted, they’re not much for artistic thought, and i honestly was just screwing around, but the color and vibrance pre-photoshop-levels-adjusting is baffling to me. shit, i don’t even need photoshop-levels-adjusting.

doubling your megapixels is a life-changing experience. like, whoa.

and, yes, yes, yes… i know that i should have gotten a camcorder, but honestly… it’s so much easier to freelance photography than it is to freelance video. and, it’s a kickass camera.

sigh. i’m in love. seriously… i’m in love. i kissed it goodnight the first day. now, all i need is some downtime and a beach.

(also, is anyone in the market for a ‘93 ford escort yet?)

bedbugs and ballyhoo

i suppose it’s been a while since i’ve produced anything mildly relevant to my daily life. this is the first evening i’ve had off in two weeks… i’ve almost forgotten what daylight was like. and food. this thing you all call food, wow. i should eat that more often.

in any case, i’ve started a list of things that i’ve been meaning to touch base on around here. i’m too tired to tie them all together, however, and i don’t much feel like a list. please disregard my lack of transistory statements.

i’ve lost a full pants-size so far this summer. given the increased amount of walking i do in boston, i anticipate shrinking even more in the coming school year. this can only mean one thing: i will soon melt into hotness and finally become the sex goddess i need to be to justify my libido.

i still really, really want to have wildcrazyamazing sex with unattainable-person-who-shall-remain-nameless.

there’s a chance that i might be published in a cook book.

my roommate is considering communting to nyc everyweekend during the schoolyear for work. i am torn on how i feel about this. i’m quite happy for her to have this opportunity, but as it is i barely saw her last year. i miss her, and i don’t entirely want her to be gone so much. it will be nice to have the alone time, but she’s the only person i can watch and analyze porn with on a boring friday night. also, i think i might be slightly jealous.

i’ve landed a gig as the community service coordinater with the evvys for this next year. i don’t exactly know what this entails, but i think that it is a good thing; a definite step towards recognition and connections. though, true to form, i am riddled with anxiety and self-doubt about the increase in responsibilities.

i seriously need to get laid.

my room is a mess and i leave for boston sooner than i’m trying to admit. it’s not that i’d like so much to prolong my stay in muskegon, it’s that i hate packing and can’t figure out how this place got so messy if i’m never in it.

i’ve sort of fallen into a pattern of involuntary partial anorexia because i honestly just don’t have time to eat some days. i am only considering that this might be a bad thing because i caught myself lying about my food intake as a means to spare myself the lecture on healthy choices.

i still very much dislike growing up. i’m pretty sure i can make it, but for some reason i never get there without worrying myself sick first.

also, is anyone in the market for a slightly ghetto ‘93 ford escort? i’ll be selling mine soon.

the only people who have ever been attracted to me have only been attracted to the digital image of myself that i produce on the internet.

this, i think, is a problem. a problem that does not help to remedy that i am nearly twenty years old and haven’t had a meaningful relationship. the only reason i even lost my virginity (at the end of my freshman year of college) was because i looked interesting to a fellow freak on myspace.

he fucked me a few times, pierced me, and got bored with me. i haven’t heard from him in nearly six months. we attempted a reunion first semester last year, but it must’ve bored him, as he barely spoke, and certainly wasn’t looking for what i was.

what is it about me that makes me seem so appealing online, and yet utterly repulsive in real life?

i want a relationship, any relationship. i want a shitty, abusive relationship, so that in ten years i can look back and know that i had one. in order to beat me, he’d have to touch me, right?

no worries, though. there’s no one around me to like me enough to hate me that much.

there’s no one around me to care that much.

buahahahahaa!

best dilbert EVAR!

just one of the guys…

i just got smacked in the face with a tailpipe.