i just developed a muscle twitch in my shin…

wow, so, uh… it’s been a while? i s’pose… not really, though. only five days. that’s not such a grand hiatus. i’ve been lurking, i’ve just been too tired and uninterested with my life to write about it.

i woke up at four this morning, and started my first shift at 5.30. i left there around ten and ran straight to whitehall to pull another six hour shift at the inn. i need a massage. or maybe just some cuddlin’s.

this diet thing is working out fabulously. i’m busy enough during the day that by the time dinner rolls around, i have at least seven hundred calories left before i hit my limit. lovely.

i bought a pack of reds today because i thought i missed smoking. i really don’t think that i did miss it at all, actually, but that one on the way home after working almost 12hours today felt pretty good. still takes like ass, though. glad i quit.

i need a beauty day. i need to shave my legs and scrub the dead shit off of my feet and paint my toenails and clean my room and just be cute for a little while.

i really, really wish that i had friends left in this town. i work enough to keep my mind off of it for the most part, but i’ve come to realize that i don’t do anything but work, and when i’m not working… well, i’m kind of a loser. so there’s that.

i think i’m going to go veg out and watch tim allen on inside the actor’s studio. after working all day, i’m freakin’ wiped… and i get to do it again tomorrow. thursday’s free though. anyone wanna have sex?

it is just about twenty to nine here in muskegon.
after a dismal start to the day, the sun is now shining and it appears to be a lovely evening.
i am readying for bed. unable to enjoy it at all.

stupid coffeeslutting. i thought this was summer.

the lake needs to warm up. asap.

daddy’s got a new .45

“you just have to make sure that you tell her when she does stuff wrong.”

as you may or may not be aware of, i currently have two and a half summer jobs. one back at the inn, and one maintaining my status as a corporate coffeeslut. i am also in the process of landing a super-back-burner-part-time-gig at the store where my mother works.

my mother gets paid (and not well) to leave the house every morning (tuesday thru saturday) and sit around listing things on ebay. it is basically what she did the nine months or so that she was unemployed, so the work is perfect for her. the store’s “shipping clerk”–or the young douchebag who sorted through the pallets of stuff that came and deemed what was sellable, in what condition, and how broke it could be before they fixed it–quit recently, so i offered up whatever freetime i managed between my other two jobs to help them out.

they have been discussing if or how they want to employ me for a week or so now. i am using my mother as a sort of leazon, giving her my schedule for the upcoming weeks and updating when i learn of changes. she is then allegedly taking this information and talking up my ability to actually do work and only complain about how much i hate it in private, and mostly to myself.

everyday she comes home and tells me about whatever conversations they held concerning my employment. around the middle of last week, she relayed the conversation containing the above quotation. she was discussing with her bosses the previous two younger people they had employed, when my mother decided to offer up to them what is, to my guess, her little way of keeping me on task: constantly letting me know everything i have ever done wrong.

here is the thing: i fuck up. i know i do. we are humans, all of us, and we all fuck up. i try really, really hard not to fuck up, and i generally beat the hell out of myself when i (inevitably) do. if i am doing something the wrong way and am completely unawares, i appreciate being informed, and then taught the correct way. i will probably be embarrassed for getting it wrong, and make jokes about winning the idiot award again, but i would rather know to avoid further mistakes. i also tend to ask a lot of questions to prevent all of the mentioned situations.

what bugs me the most is her word choice. “… when she does stuff wrong,” she says. as if to prepare them to expect me to do things the wrong way. a warning telling them to ready their lectures, for i do more wrong than good.

maybe i am just being paranoid; reading too far into things again. i held off mentioning this until my true annoyance with it subsided, hoping that perhaps i could make more sense of it in my head. i think i am failing. i do not understand fully the context of why she said it, the way that she did, for i was not there. but, truthfully, i do not even fully understand why it irritates me so.

i could go off on a separate tangent about how wonderfully tolerable and intelligent she has proven herself recently–mostly concerning the use of bi-lingual signs in meijer, and an option on an automated phone system to press 1 if you prefer service in english (“bullshit. if i want service in spanish i’ll fucking press 1.”)–but i think i shant.

all i really have to say about it, i guess, is that it is very interesting how everyday i can watch her defy some value that she raised me to hold.

there, aren’t you glad you read all of that, when you really could’ve just scrolled to the end?

and damn, kieth richards was too busy.

dr’s appointment today. pretty much spent an hour telling me i was a fatass, describing a great medication for fatassness that’s not out yet, spent a more than a few minutes looking for a vein to get my bloodwork done, and sent me on my way.

this, combined with my mother’s dr’s visit today and my sister’s recent childbearing, has spurred a bit of a competition among us diesel women. my mom, my sister, and i are having a contest, starting tomorrow, to see who can lose the most weight this summer. my dad is in charge of prizes.

this competition also spurred today to be the mother of all splurge days. i have to admit, i feel kind of gross, but man, that turtle sundae was so worth it. however, while sitting in the parking lot to the north pole, my cute little hunk of junk decided that it didn’t want to start again, and that makes me really unhappy.

christ, it’s nearly nine-thirty, and my alarm is going off at 3.45 tomorrow. a.m. ugh.

the trailer for pirates of the caribbean: dead man’s chest impresses me even less than the trailer for the first pirates did, which–given my eventual obsession with the first pirates film–means this could be the best filmical summer of my life.

pirates 2 on july 7, snakes on a (motherfucking) plane on august 18… and as i just found out researching this sentence: clerks 2 has been bumped from august 18 to JULY MOTHERFUCKING 21st!!

man, i think i should start writing these on my calendar. as a matter of fact, that’s exactly what i’m going to go do. and then i’m going to bed. because i have to wake up ridiculously early.

snootch to the nootch.

ps – i kind of miss you… again. want to stop hiding and email me? that would be great.

hahaha… dogs and whopee cushions…

every sunday i visit postsecret to read all of the updated postcards. every sunday i see at least two secrets that i could have written, yet i never make my own postcard to send in because i am certain that anything that could be said about me has already been said, and i would just be the dumb one sending in repeat secrets.

i slept last night in a race-car. i used a giant fish as a pillow. i still blame the bananas.

i think it is kind of sad that i eat more ramen and junk food when i am staying with my parents than i do when i am living on my own. i also think it is kind of sad that nick at nite is playing reruns of shows i remember watching the first time they were aired.

i need a back massage. and a renewed giveafuck in my sex life. or, really, just a sex life would be great.

and back to the television: my sister’s boyfriend reminds me of white version of will smith via the fresh prince. yeah, you’re right… i’m gonna go read a book now.

i got a twenty dollar bill that says no one’s ever seen you without makeup; you’re always made-up.

How To Be The Girl That Every Man Secretly Wishes He Was Married To…

wow. thank you, google. between this and the guy i found who garaunteed to get anyone in cali off of any ticket for the low low price of 20 bucks, i think it is official… i need to start stumbling around the internet more often.

hallejujah is right, jeff buckley. dead effing on, my brotha. now, if i had only known about you when you were alive, instead of falling in love with you nearly nine years after your death… if only.

when i was younger, when toy story first came out, i thought that darjeeling was an alcoholic beverage. this was mostly fueled by buzz lightyear’s slurring of the line, “one minute you’re defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down darjeeling with marie antoinette… and her little sister.” years later, when i started my development into an avid tea-drinker, i came to realize that i, myself, have been “sucking down darjeeling” for some time. some of my friends may have already heard this revalation. it was re-made by me this morning, as my second* wake up/relax drink is a cup of darjeeling tea. tasty, tasty darjeeling tea, might i add.

also, colburninator, if you read this… WTF TOY STORY THREE?! ahem. i mean, i’d like your thoughts on the matter. and to finally read that paper on how toy story equals male impotence.

i started work at the inn yesterday morning. in housekeeping. it sure would’ve been nice if the people who closed the apartments last fall actually did their job. there was mold growing in all of the refrigerator because they never emptied the drip pan or ice cube tray when they defrosted the freezer. one of the ovens was completely coated with grease and burnt-crusties. overall, pretty much just icky. my hands still smell like a bastard mix between bleach, oven grease, and radishes**.

i’m looking forward to starting in the kitchen, as my boss has informed me that none of the idiot coworkers i had last summer are returning, and hot-dishwasher-boy is moving from dishwashing to fry cook. this means that i not only get to spend more time with him, i also don’t have to thaw and bread five pounds of perch a night. technically, i think i was given a promotion. so, yay me.

my biggest fear about working at the nhccs here is that i would be doing nothing but interacting with people i went to high school with. i am already aware of working with two of them. i wish i was better at feigning interest in seeing people that i (somewhat intentionally, in some cases) lost contact with after graduation. could be a long summer… there at least.

i’ve discovered a flaw in having a free flickr account. i have more than 200 photos that i would like to upload to the web. i have more than 200 photos that i have uploaded to the web, which resulted in the unannounced deleting of some of the older ones. still, i cannot seem to get my cheap ass to admit that twenty five bucks a year really isn’t that much money. rawr.

okay, update over. it’s time for this young lady to eat some breakfast and enjoy a shower.

*the first being a cup of coffee with light vanilla soy milk, naturally. would have been the second, too, but it seems my parents cleaned us out of coffee and i’m too lazy to make another pot. lucky for all of you, the kettle was hot. without which, such a captivating paragraph might never have been written.
**i helped my mum make some potato salad last night for my nephew’s birthday party this afternoon, so that explains that. however, why, of all the smells my hands encountered yesterday, that’s one that lingers, i don’t think i’ll ever understand.
kimnote that was not starred: these photos were taken on a disposable camera, so eff you if they’re not very high quality.

another semester, another pile of quotations.

“y’know, i think in genisis it said something like, ‘when eve was talking to the snake, he was quiet, awkward, and pretty nice.’ i mean, that might not be the exact quote, but it’s pretty close.” – mark v.b.

“hey, christine, wanna go back to my room and make out?” – anders
“okay.” – osborn

“kim?” – prof. shattuc
“hmm?” – me
“thank you.” – shattuc
“what?” – me
“thank you. i like your presence here.” – shattuc
“oh.. thanks.” – me

“caitlin, will you marry me?” – carrie
*caitlin slowly shakes head no*
“oh. well, okay. i understand.” – carrie

“protect your body. protect your peers. protect your budget.” – prof. hnatio

“hey, look! her pen is poised. let’s say something stupid now!” – liz

“pssh. why does she get to be first?” – cat
“because i’m older.” – liz

“a death match? great!” – prof. shattuc

“it was adorable minutes long!” – boy

“i want the kid to sleep, but i want him to pay for it.” – prof. bicki

“what’s wrong with you guys? you’re not lazy enough.” – prof. hnatio

“but, if amy lee is sex… how do you have sex with her?” – cat
“you don’t. you just kind of look at her and cum.” – me

“i’d rather go shoot something and sodomize my neighbor.” – me

“water is not gonna touch goo.” – prof. hnatio

“we’re going to watch something. i don’t think any of you will like this film, so that should please you.” – prof. shattuc

*in my best ‘valley girl’* “why would you put that in your mouth? it was a cow at one time.” – me
“oh, i bet you say that to all the girls.” – cat

“if you’re looking for ‘average,’ you’re at the wrong school.” – prof. hnatio

“little did we know that the ‘death match’ was actually a mating ritual, and she starts, i guess, giving birth to something?” – girl
“not just one! she’s spawning!” – second girl
“like gremlins?” – boy
“YEAH!” – second girl

“so, if you come up short, someone was doing something during pregnancy.” – prof. bicki, re: teratogens and fetal development of genitalia

“now it looks like we could have a love scene, or at least something fun, instead of prison.” – prof. hnatio

“lisa’s engaged? to a man?! shit!” – cat

“i’m going to kill you.” – me
“okay.” – cat

“it’s okay to be a little bit pregnant when doing audio work.” – prof. hnatio

“you know, i kind of like the wimpy body. germans didn’t like the wimpy body. i’m a fan of the slacker look.” – prof. shattuc

“i am an artist. you should feel my emotion radiate from my sweat and dreams!” – cat
“hey, fuck you. i go to that school.” – me

“you’re a writer, right?” – prof. hnatio
“um, okay?” – boy
“well, you like to write, don’t you?” – hnatio
“according to him.” – boy, pointing at someone on the other side of the room

“not that i’m encouraging anyone to commit suicide, but if you’re going to do it, don’t do it with asprin. that’s a wicked painful way not to die.” – prof. bicki

“caitlin, you’re underwear’s on inside-out.” – me
“no it’s not.” – cait
“um, yeah. it is.” – me
*checks*
“oh. meh.” – cait

“can i introduce a new character?” – girl
*sigh* “fine. sure. whatever. you can do whatever you want at this point.” – prof. shattuc

“holy mother of color blind.” – me
*long pause*
“… batman.” – cat

“no, because that would be poor english, and i don’t do that. homey don’t play that.” – me

“okay, so, peter flynn’s friends come in, i don’t know, whatever that may be… an irish choral group or something, and babies are still flying around?” – prof. shattuc

“well, what were you thinking? giving up sex for hockey…” – me
“it was business!” – j

“you look how i feel… which is stunningly gorgeous, by the way.” – osborn

“well, the plane is ready, but the crew hasn’t landed yet.” – man at la guardia

“and then ashton kutchar jumps our from behind a pillar amd screams ‘you’ve all been PUNK’D!’ he was giving a guest lecture at the cutler majestic theater.” – girl
“over my dead body.” – prof. shattuc

“where’s the stuff on the sodomites?” – me
“it’s in the back.” – caitlin

“it’s out of print, and out of date, but i think it’s relavent.” – prof. bicki

“it’s kind of like jazz when it first came out. people hated jazz. the white folk just could not handle the jazz.” – prof. shattuc

“i love you.” – osborn
*i draw on her hand*
“we can’t be friends anymore.” – osborn

“so, we have chocolate… and we have sex. both going on here at the same time. mmmm.” – prof. shattuc

“there! that was a happy noise!” – osborn
“no it wasn’t. it was an ‘oh my god, you almost molested me’ noise.” – me
“i think it was closer to the ‘oooh, i like that’ end of the spectrum.” – osborn
“hey, i do like molestation.” – carrie

“and then peter flynn kicks ashton kutchar’s ass for even coming to emerson in the first place. the end.” – girl

“can you believe speed? made in the ’90s and it’s showing l.a. cops as decent multicultural individuals interested in saving a multicultural bus!” – prof. shattuc

“once the sun disappears, we’ll be shit outta luck for solar energy.” – prof. bicki

*sneeze* “i don’t know what i’m allergic to.” – cait
“everything?” – me
“well, besides that.” – cait

“you want me to ruin the ending?” – boy
“yeah, sure.” – prof. shattuc

“and the lord hath crescendo’d.” – e.p.kyle

“was that a tour group? because if it was, i’m totally going to crank up ‘nipples and clits’.” – cait

“that’s what happens in a ken burns film. he’ll start in sepia tone. oh, hey, we’re in the 19th century. thanks, ken!” – prof. shattuc

“and then signs was like, ‘well, if you believe in god, aliens won’t kill you’.” – dave lewis

“how do we know it’s a hitchcock film? there’s a pretty blonde girl who’s just gotta die.. and wear a black bra at some point.” – prof. shattuc

“did you go to antarctica?!” – carrie
“yes, because antarctica is totally in europe.” – andrew
“and not at all a continent of its own.” – me

“when i watch speed, which is one of my favorite movies because i just think that keanu reeves is god’s gift to acting… ” – prof. shattuc

“you have very soft features.” – carrie
“aw, thank you.” – me
“you look like a trucker.” – andrew

“stink moved? i don’t think so. are you sure? i really don’t think stink moved.” – karen

“except for kennedy. and i don’t want to be the one to say it, but look what happened to him.” – prof. shattuc

“christine don’t date no corpses.” – anders

“sorry. that was one of those times when i wasn’t listening at all to what andrew said and when i realised that he was talking to me, i just figured i should disagree. that usually works.” – me

“if you reduce a woman to breasts, then you don’t have to deal with her as a person. she becomes an object to be looked at.” – prof. shattuc
“actually, she becomes two objects to look at.” – sarah f.

“let’s have babies. and name them.” – andrew
“better yet, let’s not name them.” – anders

“post-modernism comes after modernism.” – prof. shattuc

“it was a half-pence?” – me
“yeah.” – caitlin
“but this 20 cent euro is kinda small, that half-pence is huge.” – me
“they have to compensate for their tiny pee-pees.” – caitlin

“those of you who have that old romantic notion that ‘celluloid matters,’ forget it.” – prof. shattuc

“china is the real superpower.” – jerry
“yeah, with that whole, ‘we kill our daughters’ thing.” – me
“hey, whatever. it’s business, baby.” – jerry

“remind me to never fucking die in japan.” – sarah f.

“i’m a pusher!” – colburn

“apparently andrew has a crush on a midget.” – caitlin

“so, i’m sorry, but you’re going to have to actually go to the library. but, as i understand it, they allow caffeine products in there now.” – prof. shattuc

“bakker… joop? yay! i’ve always wanted stroop-waffels!” – carrie

“and this could be kind of abstract, but i think of it as a cat’s hairball. it’s all intertwined and kind of grossand maybe there are a few hairs that stick out here and there. and now, it’s even more slimy because of how it’s all based on advertising.” – dave lewis, re: the internet

“you smell better than i thought you would.” – caitlin

“how many whores can you blow away?” – prof. shattuc

“it’s a postmodern view of bars and tone.” – kevin k.

it is official. my least favorite thing about having two homes that are a thousand miles apart is completely unpacking and re-organizing my life when i finally arrive somewhere. my room was really clean. now, i have no clue where to put anything.

i am back. i am back in michigan, back to the intarwebs, soon to (probably) be back to dreaming i was somewhere else. once i finally move my ass back in, i plan to start making this summer amazing. until then, however…

i lied. everything is torn down; production week is in full swing. i am basically unavailable via the intarwebs until i get home… next tuesday. caitlin is being gracious and letting me check up on my life on her computer (during the very limited time we’re actually back in the room), so if you email me, i just might be able to respond to it in a reasonable amount of time, but i would not hold your breath. if you need me, call me. if you need to call me, you already know what the number is.

that is it for now. all is well that ends well.

i love you, but that is the last time i let you pick the movie.

as soon as i am done here, i will be tearing down my compy, at least for the most part. at least, that was the plan. it’s seeming more and more like the only way evvys kids talk to one another is via email, so this may not be such a good idea.

FUCK. i forgot to do laundry. and i am running dangerously low on undawears.

what is this week, anyway? it’s fucking TUESDAY and i’m almost tired already. not good. not good a’tall.

okay, so no compy tearage. but sleep? yes. sleep is nice.

… i’m serious. last. effing. time.